For those of you who don't know, that stands for blighted ovum.
Two weeks ago we went in for our first prenatal visit with Kathy, our midwife. As I laid on the table cold and anxious, I wanted nothing more than to hear the heartbeat of our little baby. This pregnancy had felt so different than Mas'. I hadn't been sick once and it was hard to believe I was almost out of my first trimester.
After 5 minutes of wiggling around and changing positions there was still no heartbeat to be found. Kathy suggested we go in for an sonogram the next day just to make sure everything was okay. Many reasons arose why we couldn't find the heartbeat. I had just emptied my bladder, maybe the baby was in a weird position or I was possibly not as far along as I thought.
The next morning I filled my bladder and we headed to the sonogram. Again I sat cold and anxious as the lady painfully pressed all over my belly. We sat quietly for about 15 minutes before she told me to go empty my bladder and she was going to try a transvaginal ultrasound. Not knowing what was going on I used the restroom and hurried back in.
Another silent 15 minutes went by. She then told me to clean myself off and she would be back to talk to me. It seemed like instantly Austin and I knew the baby was not healthy.
I had experienced a blighted ovum or "missed miscarriage."
The sperm had attached to the egg but only 2 of the 3 next parts took place; a sac and placenta were formed but the embryo did not. There was nothing more than an empty sac. They don't know much on the causes of this other than the body detects something is wrong and tries to stop pregnancy immediately.
My body hadn't realized there was no baby yet so the only options were to let it naturally catch on and go through a miscarriage process or have a d&c. Kathy recommended letting my body take care of it myself and I agreed.
This weekend my body realized what was going on and I went through a mild labor (about 24 hours of constant cramping/contraction like pain) and the passing of an empty sac and placenta.
I write this today because the physical part is over and now it just a matter of emotional healing. I haven't told many what I am going through and instead of replying to single text, phone calls and facebook post on how pregnancy is going I felt it better, for me, to let everyone know.
My sister in law wrote me this verse:
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted" Matthew 5:4
Thank you to all my awesome friends and family who have been there for me so far. You have been a blessing in encouraging me, lifting me up and listening.
I too had a blighted ovum pregnancy. It's the hardest loss of a pregnancy I think. For 12 or so weeks you've been growing, assuming the baby was growing along with you to find that it's not. Then there's contractions, cramping, and bleeding without the reward of a baby at the end. Then there's grief. You lost a child that you had imagined alive and dreamt for. A child you knew was a gift from God. You're angry for not being able to make it stop and your so, so sad. Then there's the "telling." You wonder why you even told anyone. Let yourself greive Sarah. Don't try to push it down, or push it away. Your baby died. Don't forget Austin is grieving also - it may be different than yours, but he also is suffering the death of his baby. You have such a huge network of support, use it during this time. Slow down and take care of yourself. Remember the words others speak to you are meant to comfort you - even if it doesn't come across that way. Love, Sharon
ReplyDeleteSarah, I'm so sorry for your loss. I pray you sense God's comfort as you grieve your little one. He will walk with you during this time. Get a hold of me if you want to talk.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss. You & your family will be in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteOh Sarah i'm so sorry to you and your family for your loss!! I can't even begin to imagine what you must be feeling right now, but we'l be praying for you and keeping you in our thoughts!!
ReplyDeleteSarah I am so sorry to hear that and feel your pain. I had a miscarriage before Gabe and it was one of the hardest thing Anthony and I went through but it definitely made us stronger. Hang in there and if you ever need to talk to someone don't hesitate to call. Miss talking with you. Thinking of you guys
ReplyDeleteI am so sad for you Sarah! Will be praying for peace and comfort for you and Austin.
ReplyDeleteSarah, I know first hand the heartache you are going through and all the dreaming and planning that you had probably already done makes it even harder. Please know that I am here to talk or anything else you might need. My heart aches for your loss.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear this. Praying for you as your heart aches.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry, Sarah. Such a emotionally trying time for you and Austin to go through, but at least you can go through it together. Lean on each other for comfort and trust in God. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.
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