As I sit and feel Mason kicking me today I realize how lucky, grateful, and blessed I am. ( I could go on and on). It feels like just the other day we were struggling to get pregnant. When I say it feels like just the other day I don't mean that at all. It took 17 months for us to finally say we are expecting. The long journey was full of tears and upsets. I was a complete mess thinking we might not be able to have a family. I wasn't patient to say the least and I wasn't pleasant to be around when the topic came up.
I won't lie.
I hated hearing that others were expecting. I wasn't excited to see my friends overwhelmed with joy to be carrying a child. I was bitter and resentful. I hate that I had this attitude and I am sorry for even letting myself be so self-absorbed with my wants. I can see now that our time was coming and God was preparing us for our child.
I read this little bit on a blog today and I wanted to share it with you. This is the part that really struck me but you can read the whole thing here
There are women who become mothers without effort,
without thought,
without patience or loss,
and though they are good mothers and love their children,
I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life,
the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover.
I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.
My dream will be crying for me.
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| We have thanked God everyday for 22 weeks for this little boy |
That is beautiful.
ReplyDeleteSarah, I am so happy that you and Austin are becoming parents. It is the most joyful gift in life. The above excerpt from another blog brought me to tears as it is the situation I'm in now. I've been in both situations. When we decided to start trying to have a family, I got pregnant the third month. Then we still have no idea how I got pregnant with Andrew. I was pregnant with him for three months and had no idea. Now there is present day with months of trying, then a miscarriage, then many months of no success. I think your situation was probably harder because you were trying for your first baby. That's why I'm extra excited for you!!
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